I get it. You’ve just gone through a breakup, and you can’t get them out of your head. All day, you walk around familiar places, reliving those memories you’ve spent so many years building together. Only now they seem like a bleak reminder of what was and what could have been, and only pain seems to resonate when you see them.
Simple things like a favorite song become a source for that pain, and now you’re avoiding things like the plague. You just can’t get them out of your head. So, how do you overcome this feeling? Here are four ways to get someone out of your head once and for all.
1. Don’t Jump in With Someone Else!
This is probably the most important tip I can offer here. When you’re trying to figure out how to stop thinking about someone, the worst thing you can do is get with someone else. That saying “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” is probably the worst advice you can take. The problem with jumping in with someone else is that you take all of that pain, heartbreak, and other negative feelings from your healing process and bring it into the new relationship.
Not only is this incredibly unfair to the new person, as you’re essentially just using them as a placeholder so you’re not alone, it’s also unfair to your own mental health. Think about it; if you’re in pain from a breakup, and you can’t get the person out of your head, how can you possibly heal if you’re pouring all of your energy into someone new?
This is where a lot of people get tripped up. A new relationship is not the right place to get over the past.
2. Make Time For Self-Care
I’m not talking about going out to the bars and drinking, either. Obviously, drinking away your pain is a terrible idea, as alcohol is a depressant, and tends to only make you feel worse about bad situations. If you’re trying to forget someone, you’ll likely only find them again at the bottom of a bottle. Self-care is about doing things for yourself that bring genuine happiness and taking care of those emotions coursing through you.
This can mean taking up a new hobby, going to therapy, or anything else that can keep your mind focused on something healthy. What’s important is that you’re focusing on you and not on your past relationship or getting into another one.
That being said, it’s ok to think about the things you did wrong, or how your behavior may have contributed to the relationship in a negative way, but don’t become hyperfocused on mistakes. They’re learning experiences, not conduits for guilt.
3. Do Not Cyber Stalk Them
It’s all too easy to log onto social media and pull up hundreds of pictures of your ex. You can find anything on social media, and most people post what they’re up to, so you might even know what your ex is doing, who they’re dating, etc. Let me put it this way: this is none of your business. That’s right. I said it. It’s none of your business, and here’s why.
You’re trying to forget this person, and you can’t exactly do that when you’re logging onto Instagram every ten minutes to see their face again. Plus, let’s be honest; cyber-stalking is a little creepy. Ok, it’s more than a little creepy. I understand that breakups are painful, and sometimes, all you want is to see their face one last time.
But the problem with social media is that your “one last time” turns into weeks of cyberstalking and many nights alone with you and your phone. The best thing you can do is block your ex on social media so you’re not tempted to peek!
4. Don’t Let Them Play Games With Your Head
Unfortunately, not everyone is a wholesome individual with only the best intentions in mind. There are thousands of people out there who get a kick out of emotional manipulation. Does your ex constantly message you out of the blue, or make promises of getting back together, or even send you pictures?
This teasing is a way to hold onto the attention you give them without engaging in a relationship with you, and it’s nothing more than a game. If your ex is engaging in this behavior, they don’t want you back, they just want the attention. Period.
You deserve better treatment than that. All that shows is that your ex has no respect for the way their actions make you feel. That’s a basic violation of your boundaries and shouldn’t be tolerated! How can you ever get over someone that way?